Thursday, 20 March 2008

I'm all clean after being through a spin cycle

Guest post by Pied Puffin

The LFJ spin cycle - a guide to the life pattern of the lesser spotted LFJ for those entering psychology with a degree in clinical psychology from a Polytecnic.

1. The exhault - News shared that LFJ is in great and and R&R are starts. Mention of God/Jesus, flowers, kittens and sunshine. Thanks huge crowd of supporters for their ongoing devotion and prayers. Picture of something cute like a puppy.

2. The Fury - Furious steam-edged, moulted in hellfire rant about her detractors, with frenzied editing and re-editing.

3. The arty-farty - Rambling disjointed illogical post about art, an
uninterpatible reference to a children's story and something she saw on the TV which reminds her of how devine, clever and pretty she is. Everyone who does not agree with this assessment is jealous (obviously)

4. The threatning - Dire threats issued regarding how her lawyers will see the mob of lawyers, doctors, the met, special branch, special trees, special gardeners, the media, men from Oxo-land, women from Loon Loon land, bloggers, poets, the RCJ, the whole of Cambridge, journalists, gap-year students, all the staff of DKNY, a burren of foxes, Sharon Stone, Clint Eastwood and The Eagles and a whole other cast of thousands on the internet who are all out to get her in court. Several ASBO -busting ramblings and (in)direct snipes at targets. Comment and sock-puppet marathon ensue.

5. The boasting - Boast about the wonderful (unpublished, unreviewed, unaccredited) research and how everyone who sees it will bow down before her when it is published to world acclaim. Mention of support from famous actors, famous writers, aristocrats and rich artists.

6. The repeat - Repeats step 4.

7. The woefullness - Self-pitying post, frequently updated about how she has become tremendously ill and cannot leave her bed / walk / talk etc. Does not seem to stop her blogging though. Symptoms are always mysterios and undiagnosible but almost
nearly involve exhaustion.

8. The self-admiration. Post telling people how she never complains about being sick. Inevitably followed by sock-puppet comments on how wonderful/dignified/strong/etc. she is.

9. The resserection - Following non-appearance at latest hearing, sudden dramatic recovery into perfect health within hours which would put the rising of Lazarus to shame regarding miraculousness.

10. The condensation - Gracious thanking of invisible supporters and legions of friends who have tenderly nursed her and sent countless supportive messages. Noting of how special she must be in God's eyes.

repeats pattern until everyone sick

Remember, all you need is love!