Welty head

You've read what she said now here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)

It has taken a whole family of Greek hairdressers to hold me down on the floor but the knots have finally been combed or cut out of my hair.

The state of the barnet was so bad I had to drug myself up with bueatiful cider (belch!) before the ordeal. I was a bit dopey while it was all going on to be honest.

Now I cannot be sure if the hangover or the brassy colour of the results are worse.

I look like one of the stars of 'You've got mail'. What was her name? Oh yes! Brinkley!!



Must dash as I am going to sockpuppet myself to bits with request for a new photo of my shaggy locks.

Remember, all you need is love!


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Pickaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!

You've read what she said now here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)

The most important thing to happen in the whole of the world is that two soap characters appeared back on the small screen.

I would like a man like the male character to put up with all my imperfections. However being a convicted stalker, a liar, maligning people , slandering people, intimidating people, harassing people, bombarding people with phone calls and emails generally tends to put men off. Men are so picky!

I wonder if a new hairstyle would get me a man?

Remember, all you need is love!

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The self-important nut-case

You've read what she said now here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)

Briefly: Everyone is out to get me. Boo hoo. Mentioning that my enemies include the Chief Commissioner will give you an idea of how important and significant I am.

Mentioning the Master of the Rolls, Chancery Lane, and the central Court will tell you further about the epic importance of ONE of the cases against me. I will wilfully ignore the fact that this case came about as a result of me breaking the confidentiality terms of a contract as well as copying and taking private papers away.

Such insignifigent things like proven facts, evidence and the truth are for commoners anyway. When you are are gorgous and fasinating as I am you do not need to stoop to be bothered with them.

My ability to fail to see the truth of any matter except my own gorgeousness and the jealousy harboured by all around me is only superseded by my inability to follow clear signposts.

Did you know that? Now you do. Girlish giggle. I am so sharing of myself and endlessly fascinating.

My present predicament has come about because of a group comprised of .... police squad, the wicked witch of the North, her cohort, the webbed man, ex-lawyers, doctors, the met, special branch, special trees, special gardeners, the media, men from Oxo-land, women from Loon Loon land, bloggers, poets, the RCJ, the whole of Cambridge, Cambridge snail journalists, gap-year students, all the staff of DKNY, a burren of foxes, Sharon Stone, Clint Eastwood, The Eagles, Manchester United football club and the whole other cast of thousands on the internet who are all out to get me are all lying in a giant conspiracy against me. Despite what any conviction and ASBO say they are all making it up and I am the only one telling the truth.

Did you know that? Now you do. Girlish giggle. I am so sharing of myself and endlessly fascinating.

Be careful out there. If you stalk, lie about, malign, slander, intimidate, harass, bombard and generally make a nuisance of yourself to person after person, they might decide enough is enough and have you thrown in jail too!


Remember, all you need is love!


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Predictability is its own reward

You've read what she said now here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)

As predicted, I, the wondrously predictable researcher has predictably fallen out with one of my (pretend) predictable internet mates who predictably never acknowledged my existence.

Predictably, this Littleupstart, who I get to admonish from the lofty moral height of my blog is another blogger. This is a real change in form. It is so unlike predictable me to try to pick a fight with another member of the bloggersphere, who is also a woman, who has a successful home-life and has never looked to me for opinion or guidance. !!)

Imagine, this blogger dared to link to someone that I, the stalkerlicious fruitbat, disapproved of and worst of all she is a successful published Author. These are truly heinous crimes indeed for which she and all others like her (all the other successful hard-working Mothers, wives and daughters of the world) should be thrown in Wormwood scrubs.

Only then will the streets to safe for batty (but predictably reliable) blogstresses such as me to walk.

This blogger has also drawn attention to the fact she was once were unfairly fired. Tsk! Do you think doing something like that will deter other employers from unfairly dismissing people if they think an avalanche of bad publicity will follow? Predictable pleeeeeeeeeeeeese. It is better to be banned from your place of research (Ed. no. 5667 - "cough ckoke") for breaking the confidentiality terms of your contract and taking private papers away. That is an accomplishment worth blathering on about non-stop anyday!.

On behalf of all the people of France, I declare this blogger an ex-friend and quite useless. I demand you, my gentle beautiful readership (all 4 of you in my head and 2 on the internet) do the same or I will cut you off as a friend too!

The predictable one has spoken.

Remember, all you need is love!


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A lot of guessing

A lot of guessing has been coming from the esteaming MizzLoude trying to guess who is behind the vainglorious satire on this site. She has even tried to provoke a reaction by naming people she thinks are behind it like police squad, the wicked witch of the North (her arch nemisis) the webbed man, a burren of foxes, Sharon Stone, Clint Eastwood, The Eagles and Manchester United football club.

The cast of millions who run this site for the purposes of furthering research into the respected profession of satire would like to state that we are not, nor have we ever been;

.... police squad, the wicked witch of the North or her cohort, the webbed man

Nor are we lawyers, doctors, the met, special branch, special trees, special gardeners, the media, men from Oxo-land, women from Loon Loon land nor bloggers (we are SATIRISTS - dammit!)

Nor are we poets, the RCJ, the whole of Cambridge, cambridge snail journalists, gap-year students, all the staff of DKNY, a burren of foxes, Sharon Stone, Clint Eastwood, The Eagles, Manchester United football club or the whole other cast of thousands on the internet who are all out to get LFJ.

So that is that all cleared up then.

On a related subject, it has been a while since the bueatiful research has been mentioned. Do readers think that this has been abandoned since the ace-fab poly educated clinical psychiatrist, qualified researcher (Wikipedia University) and holder of a French degree (University of once visited there) took up sock-puppeting full time?


Remember, all you need is love!

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