The self-important nut-case

You've read what she said now here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)

Briefly: Everyone is out to get me. Boo hoo. Mentioning that my enemies include the Chief Commissioner will give you an idea of how important and significant I am.

Mentioning the Master of the Rolls, Chancery Lane, and the central Court will tell you further about the epic importance of ONE of the cases against me. I will wilfully ignore the fact that this case came about as a result of me breaking the confidentiality terms of a contract as well as copying and taking private papers away.

Such insignifigent things like proven facts, evidence and the truth are for commoners anyway. When you are are gorgous and fasinating as I am you do not need to stoop to be bothered with them.

My ability to fail to see the truth of any matter except my own gorgeousness and the jealousy harboured by all around me is only superseded by my inability to follow clear signposts.

Did you know that? Now you do. Girlish giggle. I am so sharing of myself and endlessly fascinating.

My present predicament has come about because of a group comprised of .... police squad, the wicked witch of the North, her cohort, the webbed man, ex-lawyers, doctors, the met, special branch, special trees, special gardeners, the media, men from Oxo-land, women from Loon Loon land, bloggers, poets, the RCJ, the whole of Cambridge, Cambridge snail journalists, gap-year students, all the staff of DKNY, a burren of foxes, Sharon Stone, Clint Eastwood, The Eagles, Manchester United football club and the whole other cast of thousands on the internet who are all out to get me are all lying in a giant conspiracy against me. Despite what any conviction and ASBO say they are all making it up and I am the only one telling the truth.

Did you know that? Now you do. Girlish giggle. I am so sharing of myself and endlessly fascinating.

Be careful out there. If you stalk, lie about, malign, slander, intimidate, harass, bombard and generally make a nuisance of yourself to person after person, they might decide enough is enough and have you thrown in jail too!


Remember, all you need is love!


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Punctuation for tomorrow

Here is what the libelastic one really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)

I am going to post messages on The CAMBRIDGE SNAIL online soon. I shall probably make reference to the scriptures. This will be an 'in' joke no-one else will get except me and my billions of supporters.

I, AM, SO, CLEVER. hee.hee.hee

I, ALSO, FAIL, TO, UNDERSTAND, THE, CORRECT, USE, OF, THE, COMMA, IN, CONSTRUCTING, A, SENTENCE.



I am also worried that the Cambridge snail is going to run out of the keyboard keys "N,O,M,E,R,C and Y" soon as they seem to be using it a lot! They are also calling for 'no mercy' (in a story nearly a year old) for some cyber-stalker called Loude who has been harassing people. Disgraceful, I call it.
(Ed. no. 5454 - You're right, wrongly spelled words are a blight on the nation)

I wonder what the paper will be writing about this Loude character come May 2008? I wonder if I can get the tardis-like time travelling sat nav device which can take control of cars to go forward in time and find out.

Remember, all you need is love!

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All you need is translation

Here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)

ty :-)
Ed's note: As her sperlling and grammerisms is not the best (please note our own malapropisms in tribute) We think she is trying to say with this remark that she needs a tie. Please contact her via her blog to arrange delivery.

Well, thank you MYSELF, thankyou for putting on your new trainers and sprinting to my own defence on the Cambridge Snail uncannily fast after I finished blogging about it here. did you see how my lovely son was being subjected to sympathy (SYMPATHY, I tell you!) from lawyers, doctors, the met, special branch, special trees, special gardeners, the media, men from Oxo-land, women from Loon Loon land and a whole other cast of thousands on the internet who are all out to get me.
(Ed's note: Never mind, you are loved here, lfj)

By anyone's standards, that idea of mine to pretend to be my son in order to leave comments on an article that no-one had bothered with in weeks was well below the belt as well as the qualifying IQ for mensa.
(Ed's note: lfj, this sounds like a horrible organisation probably full of men and therefore best avoided)

However I don’t wear belts as I have expanded a bit with all the bueatifil, boatful, buertyifilll, ah fuddit, LOVELY (hic) beautiful cider I drink. This all harassing and no working lifestyle piles on the pounds you know. It also makes F. Jane a barmy girl.

However..... it's best not to go there, on the whole. Which is why I spend all day there commenting on comments weeks old.

I am a toe rag like any other and any woman who comes near my babes is welcome to a clobbering and a shoe-ing too. I will get the descendants of Jack the Ripper to carry it out. At least little Wally is still my friend. He sends me top secret messages on the back of Snickers bars. This week he told me I was as sweet as milk chocolate as well as confirming he knew secrets about the King of England (a King-sized bar – geddit!). I am not sure what he intended me to interpret by the frequent references to peanuts. Must research that one.
(Ed's note - Ahem yes of course you must, a girl must have a hobby and research is as harmless as anything)

I think I was hysterical (in fact I fell off the chair in the internet café I laughed so hard –hic) with the one about the rest of the alphabet. Of course I want her to take other letters with her, the letters f-j and L for a start. There are some other letters I am forced to carry around, namely a-s-b and o. But I ignore these whilst I swim in Egyptian rivers fit for the butificious researcher that I am.

For information, however, R and R are handling the civil and uncivil case appeal at present, and there is absolutely no problem. On the contrary, they are being ab fab.
(Ed.'s note, are you sure this is the way you want to represent your lawyers lfj?)

So the editorial team here at All_you_need_is_love (all 3 trillion of us) give that about a week before they all fall out again.

Remember, all you need is love!

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