You've read what she said now here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)
All confirmed in the real world rather than the cut and paste of hearsay from internet boards.
Just as every action has an equel but opposite reaction, every lie has an equal and opposing truth.
Enjoy!
Remember, all you need is love!
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You've read what she said now here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)
I am going to attempt satire and fail drastically. It is going to be cringingly bad and a massive demonstration of my complete lack of understanding of the concept of irony.
*****
The voices in my head and I spent some time together in the sunshine today.
I hate the tribute blog so much I am going to link to it. Well, with all the readers they get I might as well throw a few more their way. There are already two mad sockpuppets over there (modest blush) perhaps I can entice some more to follow.
I’ll put my ex-solicitors name and company in this post in the hope that * certain * people will email him and he will be able to see for himself that police squad, the wicked witch of the North, her cohort, the webbed man, ex-lawyers, doctors, the met, special branch, special trees, special gardeners, the media, men from Oxo-land, women from Loon Loon land, bloggers, poets, the RCJ, the whole of Cambridge, Cambridge snail journalists, gap-year students, all the staff of DKNY, a burren of foxes, Sharon Stone, Clint Eastwood, The Eagles, Manchester United football club and the whole other cast of thousands on the internet who are all out to get me are all harassing me in a giant conspiracy against me.
Despite what the (upheld) conviction and ASBO say they are all making it up and I am the only one telling the truth. I am being harassed you know.
Imagine, these bloggers are so obsessed with me that they spend a whole 15 mins at a time writing satiric retorts to the compost I spew here. Some people spend up to 5 mins dropping by the site to read and post a remark. They are obsessed, obsessed, I tell you. I, who never go near the site (using my real name) only visit there about three times a day for up to an hour at a time.
I’ve kept my case commentary to a minimum. (Ed. No.1 - oh bravo, well done, you DO understand irony!)
To prove how little they influence me, I am going to delete comments from my blog. Let that show them how little attention I pay to them. (Ed. No.1 – how about getting a job, that would really teach us a lesson!)
I am not BOVVERED by the tribute site to me. The fact I am posting about it and linking to it is just an indicator that I AM NOT BOVVERED, bovvered not. AM I BOVVERED? face bovvered? AM I BOVVERED? does my face look bovvered? I AINT BOVVERED! JE, NE, SUIS, PAS, BOVVERED. Did I mention I speak fluent French? I probably have a degree in it somewhere.
People who are doing things for a cause only keep them up for about a month anyway. I know this because I have an extensive record in fighting for causes.
I've kept the more interesting posts. (Ed. No. 1 – where have you hidden them cos they ain’t on your blog?)
Did you know the Special branch, special trees and special gardeners are all out to harass me? It is because they are in a giant conspiracy with police squad, the wicked witch of the North, her cohort, the webbed man, ex-lawyers, doctors, the met, the mejia, men from Oxo-land, women from Loon Loon land, bloggers, poets, the RCJ, the whole of Cambridge, Cambridge snail journalists, gap-year students, all the staff of DKNY, a burren of foxes, Sharon Stone, Clint Eastwood, The Eagles, Manchester United football club, the cast of the Blair Witch Project and the whole other ensemble of thousands on the Internet who are all out to get me are all harassing me in a giant conspiracy against me. Despite what the (upheld) conviction and ASBO say they are all making it up and I am the only one telling the truth.
I don't want my readers annoyed with that rubbish so I am going to link to their tribute site. Theeey aaaare not worth onnn’s time an’ affffort.
Do you like my middle-class accent? I‘ve decided to allow the middle-classes to adopt me now. Perhaps as a people busy working to keep a roof over their heads, they will stay too pre-occupied to notice I am a harasser (convicted and upheld) a stalker, a liar, a maligner of innocent people, a slanderer, an intimidator and an email and phone pest.
I now find myself head over heels in love with John Hurt to the extent where I cannot help but mention his name every comment I make.
Remember, all you need is love!
Newspeak:thse, obsessives
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You've read what she said now here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)
I never talk about my false accuser. Did you hear me? I NEVER talk about her. At all, ever.
I never even talk about how little I talk about her. Did you hear me? I NEVER EVER talk about her. At all, ever.
*****
Here is me blathering on about a case I read about in the newspaper and because I once was allowed into the national archives (there is a mistake they will never repeat!) I know all about the truth of crimes just by reading about them in papers, it is a gift I have.
I can even open a box of papers faded and torn with age and construct a social history of Lonnon, erm…. Lundon…erm Londonenn…..er.. this city, out of them.
I am ace fab private detective me. Did I mention I went into Psychiatry with a degree in Clinical Psychology from a Polytecnic (sp)? Cos I did!
Did I mention how much I hate young, fit, pretty girls with all of their lives before them? I especially hate those who have book deals. You know what I think of those with profitable book deals AND good looks.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!
I am also an expert on the Australian police and media psyche now after reading about the country in a Travel Agent’s window. Unfortunately Going Places don’t let you try before you buy so I have to write this analysis going on what I read on a big pink and yellow poster.
Without any irony whatsoever, I think that all women who commit crimes should be charged with their crimes whether their names are Tracy or Joanne.
Or T-R-A-C-E-Y, as it is actually spelled. But as I have always said, spelling is for plebs and English teachers.
Also, without any evidence whatsoever, I have guessed-solved the mystery of what happened in the Australian desert that night. I think she has not got handcuffs on because no-one could get their hands over their head (wasn't it under her bum, that she claimed - Ed. no1) I am too old and fat to raise my arms over my head as this girl has claimed to do. Therefore no-one could do it, least of all a young, fit, pretty girl. Oh and then again, if she did have them on, her boyfriend did it. There you go, mystery solved.
If I had a boyfriend, I would not murder them in this way, oh no. Especially as most of them do not seem over-keen on getting into cars with me after we have had a few dates. Strange that.
It is so unfair that good-looking women always get away with their crimes especially (and this is the sooooo unfair bit) there is no evidence to convict them whatsoever.
Must go to the £1 shop for some make-up. Have a big appointment in a few days and I want to be good-looking for it.
Remember, all you need is love!
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You've read what she said now here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)
The most important thing to happen in the whole of the world is that two soap characters appeared back on the small screen.
I would like a man like the male character to put up with all my imperfections. However being a convicted stalker, a liar, maligning people , slandering people, intimidating people, harassing people, bombarding people with phone calls and emails generally tends to put men off. Men are so picky!
I wonder if a new hairstyle would get me a man?
Remember, all you need is love!
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