This hooey / Some more moans of harassment

You've read what she said now here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)

I am going to attempt satire and fail drastically. It is going to be cringingly bad and a massive demonstration of my complete lack of understanding of the concept of irony.

*****

The voices in my head and I spent some time together in the sunshine today.

I hate the tribute blog so much I am going to link to it. Well, with all the readers they get I might as well throw a few more their way. There are already two mad sockpuppets over there (modest blush) perhaps I can entice some more to follow.

I’ll put my ex-solicitors name and company in this post in the hope that * certain * people will email him and he will be able to see for himself that police squad, the wicked witch of the North, her cohort, the webbed man, ex-lawyers, doctors, the met, special branch, special trees, special gardeners, the media, men from Oxo-land, women from Loon Loon land, bloggers, poets, the RCJ, the whole of Cambridge, Cambridge snail journalists, gap-year students, all the staff of DKNY, a burren of foxes, Sharon Stone, Clint Eastwood, The Eagles, Manchester United football club and the whole other cast of thousands on the internet who are all out to get me are all harassing me in a giant conspiracy against me.

Despite what the (upheld) conviction and ASBO say they are all making it up and I am the only one telling the truth. I am being harassed you know.

Imagine, these bloggers are so obsessed with me that they spend a whole 15 mins at a time writing satiric retorts to the compost I spew here. Some people spend up to 5 mins dropping by the site to read and post a remark. They are obsessed, obsessed, I tell you. I, who never go near the site (using my real name) only visit there about three times a day for up to an hour at a time.

I’ve kept my case commentary to a minimum. (Ed. No.1 - oh bravo, well done, you DO understand irony!)

To prove how little they influence me, I am going to delete comments from my blog. Let that show them how little attention I pay to them. (Ed. No.1 – how about getting a job, that would really teach us a lesson!)

I am not BOVVERED by the tribute site to me. The fact I am posting about it and linking to it is just an indicator that I AM NOT BOVVERED, bovvered not. AM I BOVVERED? face bovvered? AM I BOVVERED? does my face look bovvered? I AINT BOVVERED! JE, NE, SUIS, PAS, BOVVERED. Did I mention I speak fluent French? I probably have a degree in it somewhere.

People who are doing things for a cause only keep them up for about a month anyway. I know this because I have an extensive record in fighting for causes.

I've kept the more interesting posts. (Ed. No. 1 – where have you hidden them cos they ain’t on your blog?)

Did you know the Special branch, special trees and special gardeners are all out to harass me? It is because they are in a giant conspiracy with police squad, the wicked witch of the North, her cohort, the webbed man, ex-lawyers, doctors, the met, the mejia, men from Oxo-land, women from Loon Loon land, bloggers, poets, the RCJ, the whole of Cambridge, Cambridge snail journalists, gap-year students, all the staff of DKNY, a burren of foxes, Sharon Stone, Clint Eastwood, The Eagles, Manchester United football club, the cast of the Blair Witch Project and the whole other ensemble of thousands on the Internet who are all out to get me are all harassing me in a giant conspiracy against me. Despite what the (upheld) conviction and ASBO say they are all making it up and I am the only one telling the truth.

I don't want my readers annoyed with that rubbish so I am going to link to their tribute site. Theeey aaaare not worth onnn’s time an’ affffort.

Do you like my middle-class accent? I‘ve decided to allow the middle-classes to adopt me now. Perhaps as a people busy working to keep a roof over their heads, they will stay too pre-occupied to notice I am a harasser (convicted and upheld) a stalker, a liar, a maligner of innocent people, a slanderer, an intimidator and an email and phone pest.

I now find myself head over heels in love with John Hurt to the extent where I cannot help but mention his name every comment I make.


Remember, all you need is love!


Newspeak:thse, obsessives


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