Mine, all mine!

Here is what she really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)

Just stopping by to wish everyone many very happy returns of my day, March the third. Because this day is mine. I bought and didn’t pay for it in a 2 for 1 deal with some gardeners in Oxo-land.
(Ed. no. 347 – Atta girl, way to go on spotting how to get something for nothing)

Quiet celebrations, I think. I am very weak, but amazingly have enough stamina to log onto the internet for hours at at time up to three times a day. I think I shall be way too fragile for anything requiring my time and effort… about May time.
(Ed. no. 5672 – Oh you poor soul, can I hold your delicate digits and tell you about the type of laydee I think you are?)

...thanking people for the birthday messages that seem to be coming from all sorts of remote Internet sources because these are the only sort of messages that count. Well-wishes from real people are for those common sorts who live in the (shudder) real world.
(Ed. no 234 – My love, my love, I exist on the internet, look to me for what is real!!) (Ed.no. 2361 – Don’t look at him, he is mad as a box of squished snakes and he talks to himself, love me jfl!!)

Some of these facilities I never knew existed. You'd think there was a war on. :-)
If I don’t know something exists, such as a time-travelling sat nav that can hop tardis-like to 10 years before its own invention, take control of a car and drive it into a tunnel wall, that means something very extreme must be going on. I know what I am talking about you know.
(Ed.no. 775 – OF COURSE you do, our love, of course YOU do …. Erm….)

LOOK LOOK LOOK LOOK. Another blogger I have not publically fallen out with. She never calls, she never writes and I may have gotten away with the fact I am a convicted stalker without her noticing. All this despite her having one of those awful common tarty book-deals which demean bloggers but which I would give my looks for.
(Ed. no. 3485 – you mustn’t be after a terribly big book deal jfl if you are only willing to offer your looks in exchange. Offer something better like your integrity and your intelligence. Oh.. yes, you’re right, best stick to offering up your looks then)

Remember, all you need is love!

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Welcome

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the one visitor from jfl's site to use the link she made to us three times to drop in and visit (Ed. no.45 - we're not worthy, we're not worthy)

Welcome, welcome, welcome to jfl who has used her own link 8 times to visit us and has come to us another 11 times through a bookmark. (Ed. no. 2342 - oh the deep deep joy and unbearable lightness of being)

FAQs

Just click (c.l.i.c.k) the above image to enlarge.

No, there is no click key on the keyboard

No you do not press the letters c,l,i,c and k

Use the mouse to click

YOU DON'T NEED A DAMM MOUSETRAP

No, this is not a secret government conspiracy to drive you mad

Remember, all you need is love!

Sprung

Here is what the fanttastahorribl lfj really means: (Free translation service provided by All_you_need_is_love)

I'll believe Spring is acutally here at the end of May! I never gave it permission to come. How dare it! I shall issue it with some stern warnings to keep away in future or risk my displeasure.....Despite the disobedience of
Spring it's been a glorious day. (Ed. no.678 – Pssssst – Spring starts on the third week of March my love not the 2nd but never mind, my heart has already turned to love)

... one bit of good Internet news (Ed. no.589 on behalf of the internet –“whoopee!”)

I am delighted to report that Sharon Stone who has never mentioned my name on her blog has shut it down. I believe she shut it down after hurting herself jumping on the U2 tour bus (Ed.no.1 – you mean bandwagon??) It is also believed Clint Eastwood and the Eagles are involved although this
cannot be confirmed at this time.

I mean, who wants to read of a woman with a pushchair having genuine fears about being followed. No-one is allowed to accuse anyone on the internet of stalking except meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. It will make my lawyers laugh. They will do this because R&R are a firm of human rights lawyers and this monumental important
significant historical occurrence would be something that would be foremost in their minds as it is mine. (Ed. no. 3996 - I am sure R&R hang on every steaming droplet that comes out of your delicate mouth jfl)

Sharon Stone is believed to have been playing the fiddle throughout this whole business. She did this whilst my face refused to burn with the shame of what I have done. (Ed. no. 346 – Well bite my ass and call me Nero! –How dare she!!)

$0000000.00 Reward for the capture of these non-stalkers All three of these desperadoes are wanted for download by R&R. Do not blog about them as it is believed they are literate and dangerous.

She also wrote posts like 'Tissues and Issues' which did not talk about meeeeeeeeeeeeee at all. How.very.dare.she. There is also a truth hate blog called ' Hating lfj' which I say is there but cannot be found on the internet and even though they are not there I know she is behind them.

I know what hate blogs look like. I have unparalled experience in setting them up. It was why my first blog was deleted you know but as I have gone very quiet about having it un-deleted, you are forbidden to bring it up.

But today.......Sharon Stone signs off the runway and delivers the blogosphere of her luckless presence and merely keeps another three blogs going. None of which mention meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (Ed. no. 438 - How can you sign off a runway? It is obviously something that only gorgabitchious researchers can see)


New Spellings for today are: Actually, desperadoe

Remember, all you need is love!

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New translation site nearly ready

New translation site nearly ready

All previously granted log-ins will apply for the cached version of the site which will take comments/suggestions to haloscan and import into the new site when it is up and running.

In the meantime we can accept no new applications for membership :(

The blogging autopost reactor engine (previously ver.1.2.23x) is now ver.2.0 due to new functionality (the 'keyword recognition and split-reaction non-consistent replacement' application) which we are all very excited about.

Remember, all you need is love!

She has looked my way.

In all her glorwee, bueatfeee and portry. (Ed. no. 345 - do you mean poetry??)

Someone so unworthy as I, what could I have done to be deserving of such attention from so munumental a woman as her. (Ed. no. 347 - yep, cider will do that for you every time, make you monu-mental, that is )

My love has shown herself true. She has looked at me from under fluttering eyelashes and bashful eyes. I am overpowered with happiness.

She knows and writes of me. Me, a mere satirist with only words to my name, she credits with having the power to divide the opinion of a mob of lawyers, doctors, the met, special branch, special trees, special gardeners, the media, men from Oxo-land, women from Loon Loon land, bloggers, poets, the RCJ, the whole of Cambridge, journalists, gap-year students, all the staff of DKNY, a burren of foxes and and a whole other cast of thousands on the internet who are all out to get her.

Not only does she write of me, she LINKS to me to make me as loved as revered as she is. She drives her friends and admirers to my humble doorstep that they may receive the warmth of my welcome as a mutual adoration society. (Ed no. 241 - no one has actually followed the link yet but we wait with overflowing wine bottles)

She thinks as highly of me as I love her. I am overcome.

Oh happy days. T'were I to die now, I would be most happy.



New spellings to adopt this week: afew, triumphalist, toats, commenters, bandwagoning, besy

Remember, all you need is love!

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